Going places

Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit's CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

After a year-long, wait that time of year is finally knocking on my front door. Here comes the season of red and green, and christmas hats and exchanging gifts and being with loved ones. Ah... this is the life...

The Christmas spirit is really high here in LMC. The whole day today there were groups of students walking around in red Christmas hats. Even our lecturers were given one each. How cool is that? And then last night i got a nicely wrapped packet of candy which i shared with my roomate. Honestly, I don't really know the girl who gave it to me. We just live in the same hostel block and go to the same college (obviously ;p). I guess Christmas really IS the season of love. Doesn't matter who you give presents to. Hmm... Maybe i should buy some candy and distribute it to the whole block before school's out..

Speaking of school's out, it's only one more day to freedom! WOOHOOO!!!! Tomorrow is the last day of school and I'm going to pack my bags tonight. Heheh.. Talk about planning ahead.

Let's see...

It's kind of sad that I'm not going back for Christmas. Including this year, it's been two years since I spent my Christmas with my whole family. This year I'm spending my Christmas with my two best friends in Kota Kinabalu. I can't wait to board the ferry and leave this wretched island for a week. It's an oven here and I'm looking forward to the cooler capital city of Sabah.

Travelling without my family to flank me is probably the best experience I can look forward. It's about time I proved to my parents that I'm independent and more than capable doing things on my own. Not that I haven't tried. I've always been denied the chance and frankly I'm tired of it. I want my parents to see that I'm a grown woman.

Anyway, moving back to the topic of going to KK, man, am I smart! Picking this time of the year to visit all the sopping malls waiting there. What with all the Christmas sale and Year-End sale, there'll be discounts everywhere. Who's to stop me from splurging on gadgets, movies and sushi? lol.. (you don't expect me to say clothes do you?) The only thing I'll regret is not spending this Christmas with my boyfriend. sigh.. Oh well, maybe I'll spend some time looking for a temporary eye candy in KK.. XD

Merry Christmas everyone! :D

Decisions, decisions

It's been five days since we got or semester results. After all the nail-biting and sleepless nights we finally knew our fate. Out of pure luck and no help from my dysfunctional, slow-to-react brain, i manage to scrap enough to stay here in LMC.

Phew. So it was worth it, the staying up until four a.m. and getting scolded by my boyfriend for doing so during our revision week. Last-minute study can't get you a 4-flat but it certainly does get your skin saved, so i've proven.

It's rather sad though to see some of my friends go tomorrow. Initially, we all thought it was impossible to fail and get kicked out from college. The reality really bites a chunk out of your heart when you find 2 Bs and a B- can only get you 2.90 for your GPA. Unlike in the olden days of high school gradings and semester exams, you pointer of less than 2.0 can really get you into trouble here.

I'm just grateful I'm not the one to lug my bags to the front gate tomorrow morning. Thinking back now, I just might have to break my promise to my friend to see her off tomorrow. I really don't think I can handle my emotions.

Well...

Now all that's left to do is to pick the courses to pursue and universities to pursue them in. Now I realise it's hard, learning something you like in Malaysia. My passion has always been and always will remain, writing. Naturally, I'd like to pursue a degree in journalism. Too bad that all the government higher learning institutes in Malaysia don't offer journalism.

Sigh.

I'd really like to establish myself as a freelance journalist. Maybe a carrier with some of the prestigious newspapers or magazines in Malaysia before that would be a great kickstart. The prospect of writing about the things I see and providing information for my would-be readers is something I've always envision since I fell in love with my first copy of Readers Digest, back in 1998. And since English has always been my field of specialty, writing comes naturally to me. Well, almost naturally.

Right now, my options are veterinary, language studies, biomedicine and business management. None of these actually appeal to me but i've decided that they'll provide me with a decent salary next time. Still, I don't feel the excitement of filling out the application forms as my friends do.

Perhaps in life, not everyone gets what they want. And that's not very fair is it?

loving my brother

sometimes, the most wonderful gift you can get from God and your parents is your older brother. brothers are meant to fuss over you, fret continuosly, scare the living daylights out of your potential boyfriends and ocassionally treat you to a McFlurry or Double Beef Cheese Burger at McDonald's.

at least that's what i observed among my friends.

my brother is nine years my senior. between us is my sister who is 5 years my senior. my brother is a quiet young man who keeps to himself and likes to remain in the background.

i love my brother. i really do. doing things for him fills me with bubbles it's riddiculous. every weekend when i don't make the trek back to my village in another town with my parents, i'd cook him a simple breakfast and make his favourite pot of coffee. it's really something i've memorised about him. when i happen to be tinkering around in the kitchen and he suddenly approaches me i know it's coffee he wants. nothing makes my brother's day like a caffein fix.

he's an action figure freak. my brother loves collecting action figures. he has almost everything from Lord Of The Rings to The Matrix, Terminator, Alien vs Predator etc. he's a fan of Scorpions and like every other guy i know, he can't get enough of cars and bikes.

unfortunately he doesn't feel the way i do.

the other day, he gave me a call on my cellphone. it was the first time in all the months i've been away from home. the first sentence he said was 'Yin, where do i buy software to play dvd on the pc?'. i gave him the names of a few shops and he ended the call. no hello and no goodbye. no how-do-you-dos either. everything was straight to the point.

i was brokenhearted. crushed.

for as long as i could remember, my brother never said more than ten sentences to me. there is no such thing as empty talk between us. he talks to me when he has questions or favours to ask. other than that, he's a stranger living under the same roof as i.

we know so little of each other and the relationship we share is so cold and distance it's a wonder we're even siblings. what hurts the most is the fact that he is closer to my cousins, nephews, nieces and aunt than he is with me.

one night i was having a girl talk with my cousin, who happen to be my brother's confidante. imagine my feelings when she told me he always took her for rides around the city on saturday nights and they spend hours sitting at coffee shops to chat, when all the time i was left alone at home, wondering when will he be home. as the night wore on, i realised just how little i knew about my brother compared to her.

i can take anything from my brother but not that.

since i was a child, i choose to surround myself with male friends. even now as a youth, i still run around with my guy friends more than i do my girl friends. i suppose it's my way of replacing my brother. still it can't eliminate that emptiness in my heart.

is it so much to ask for my brother to love me? i wish i was born a guy. maybe then my brother would have loved me..