the PRICE of INTELLIGENCE

no, this has nothing to do with espionage, the CIA or counter-intelligence.

i'm talking about being-a-little-bit-smarter-than-the-average-person kind of intelligence.

and like everyone else out there, i bet you thought being intelligent has no price. it gets you to all the right places and opens all the right doors. no doubt, there is truth in that. but contrary to popular belief, being smart isn't always rainbows and butterflies.

why? let me give you a first hand account of my own experience.

but before that, let me say that in no way do i claim to be a genius or smart person. i'm not that presumptious or arrogant. i don't deny that i may know a little bit more than my peers, but to type 'a person who knows a little bit more than my peers' every time i wish to address myself would be stupid. so i'll just stick to 'smart' or 'intelligent'. if you still wish to misinterpret that as being arrogant, than so be it. i can't blame you for being a little slow in catching my drift here.

so back to my story (i do tend to digress midway. i blame that on my sister).

i've had it with people having this notion that smart people have a responsibility of helping less smart people at all times. i mean, it's a good notion, sharing is caryn caring after all. but when does helping end and actually doing the work for someone else begin?

because that's what i've been experiencing for as long as i've been in this dratted university.

i enjoy helping others, and with my extra knowledge of things, it enables me to do more of that than anyone else. i was brought up in a Christian home, so this notion of 'doing unto other as you would have them do unto you' is practically carved into my skull, instilling in me a helpful nature. but after some time, the consequences of being too nice start to show its ugly head.

when you're too nice to people, and people see in you a flair for doing or figuring out things that are difficult for them to, you'll find yourself being taken advantage of. i hate it that after being helpful once or twice to the people around me, they take it for granted that i will and MUST help them if they should need it. they think it's not much to ask for, and they almost always don't expect rejection.

in fact, they WILL not tolerate rejection. if you so happen to reject their request for help, they'll start thinking you're being selfish and unhelpful. kedekut ilmu is what they'll say of you. they'll say you're arrogant and proud of yourself, and that you don't wish to be associated with less smarter people.

hello? seriously??

come on, people! even smart people need a break. somehow everyone seems to think that just a because a person is smarter, things come easily to them. when they do things it's like snapping their fingers, no effort need.  

au contraire, mon ami.

do you know how smart people get to be smart? it's the extra effort, time and energy they put into making themselves smart. do you think i was born smart? if i was, then my whole family would have been geniuses all around. but no, i had to work so hard to get to where i am. don't you understand? i sacrificed a lot to make myself smarter.

and there you sit, thinking, 'oh she's smart. she should help me with this. it shouldn't be too difficult for her. after all, it's just a small favour'.

and over here, i'm working my ass off googling information, doing countless research just to give you the answer you want. it takes time, effort and energy that i could have used to settle my own problems. it really pisses me off when people say they can't figure XX out, or they don't understand YY. and yet i spend a day googling and reading articles and i can come out with an explanation/answer. and i had to put MY EFFORT, MY TIME and MY ENERGY into doing something YOU COULD HAVE DONE FOR YOURSELF.

what the hell is that? do you know what that tells me? it just tells me that you're too damn lazy to do your own research. and yet you call yourself university students? you have a friend who's smart and helpful and you figured - why not use her?

well i'm telling you now, wipe your own ass dammit!

there is a limit to everything, and that includes depending on your 'smart friend' to figure things out for you. for the love of zeus, solve your own problems. if i can google the answers, so can you. you think you're the only person who has 'a small favour to ask'. but behind you there are 10, 20, 30 other people who think the very same thing. there's only one of me and dozens of you. how the hell does that make me feel? bogged down? not even close. drowned? that's an understatement.

don't tell me something is too difficult because i know that 99 percent of the people who ask me for help haven't even tried to figure things out for themselves. news flash: nothing comes easy. like i said, i had to work hard to become smart. have you ever heard of the saying 'no pain, no gain'? the same can be applied to you. why should you get to sit back and shake a leg while i have to do the hard work for you? and you're university students for goodness' sake! this isn't high school anymore where you get spoonfed by your teachers. if your'e too lazy to put in extra effort, time and energy, pack your bags and leave. you don't belong here, and you don't deserve to be here.

and you know what really ticks me off? when you have questions, you have me to ask for answers. but when i have questions, who do i ask? and don't you dare tell me i can ask the lecturers because why the fuck didn't you do that yourself in the first place then?

i'm begging you guys, be considerate and stop treating me like an information counter. don't make me hate you. please.

that time of year... and no it's not a seasonal holiday/celebration i'm talking about

Yep, it's that time of year again. That time when flyers get passed around faster than you can do a 360 pivot on your foot. That time when walls are no longer recognisable as walls but as bulletin boards pasted with manifestos and posters. That time of year when people band together in groups and go around blasting their car horns and spout nonesense into hailers. Well i suppose the whole of Malaysia, or at least university students in Malaysia, should know what i'm talking about.

That's right, I'm talking about campus election.

Before I embarked on a journey as an undergraduate at one of the top universities in Malaysia (ahem... LOL), I never imagine politics to be part of the deal. After all, the university is supposed to be ground zero for harvesting knowledge. This is supposed to be the place untouched by the outside world and where the only king is Knowledge and the queen, Lady Wisdom. But what do you know, it's also the breeding ground for politics and power mongering. Forget the general elections and by-elections. I'm drowning in the last place I expected to have this sort of crap.

Why do I say that?

Well first of all, these so called 'student leaders' are nothing but empty cans. And what do empty cans do? Yeah, that's right - they rattle and make a hell of a lot of noise, but have nothing to show. Thing is, they keep going on and on and on, talking about making changes and making the same promises that the previous student leaders made and failed to fulfill. And just as they failed, so will these soon-to-be student leaders. Why do I say that? Well there's a saying that tells us to learn from the past, and the past has proven again and again that 'failure' is a secret middle name for all student leaders.

C'mon! Are you kidding me? Who's gonna believe you can deliver your promise in the short academic year that you're in power? Your predecessors managed to do jack squat, what makes you think you can do more? If you say you'll screw up even worse than they did then maybe I'll believe you. Look around you. The things you promised are unrealistic. There's no changing anything around here without everyone backing you up. You wanna improve the commuter bus service, hell go ahead! Give it your best shot. Goodluck convincing the company to replace their old but still fully functional buses with brand new ones. You wanna have cheaper food sold at the cafeteria? Convince the wholesalers who sell the rice, flour, meat, chicken, veggies, the whole nine yards to the cafeteria operaters to sell at a lower price first, then come back and talk about selling cheaper food.

Bottom line is, don't make promises you can't keep. You know all these things are virtually impossible to achieve even in the long run, and even more so in one lousy academic year. We know it too. We ain't dumb, we're university students remember? You can't fool us because you're using the same tactics that politicians use to persuade and convince the whole nation.

And speaking of politicians, haven't you guys learned anything yet from the goings on taking place in the Malaysian political arena? Hell, in any political arena for that matter? Change takes time! If the government who by the way holds elections every five years can't do squat, then you have about the same amount of chance to anything as a snowball does in hell.

And for a student body that's supposed to be on the same side as the university, you guys sure are doing a way superb job of setting good examples. It's been more than two years I've been in this university, and the whole damn time I get 'go green' and 'recycle' and 'sustainable lifestyle' shoved down my throat. I'm told to reduce plastic, recycle paper, don't print unecessarily, don't use polystyrene, keep the environment clean. And every damn time, you guys are the one to go againts those policies.

Look around and what do I see? Flyers and posters littering the floor, covering walls, slipped under  dormitory doors, forced into an unwilling victim's and by an overzealous supporter. Hell, there's so many posters lying around the university could do away with paint and just cover the walls with them. Where's your 'go green' policy now? Where's your 'sustainable lifestyle' now? You frown on anyone who wastes paper, and yet here you are doing the very same thing you've been advocating against. There's a name for people who do that, it's called 'hypocrite'. And the name of your actions? Double standards.

And for your information, dear student leader candidates, I do NOT appreciate my peace and quiet being disrupted by car horn-happy maniacs waving hailers in a car rigged with really loud stereos. We know you're desperate but we don't care. Who wants to listen to you going around campus yelling your bullshit propaganda while the stereo blasts some crappy music and your groupies honk away on their car horns behind you? Seriously? You think I'm gonna vote after that? I wasn't impressed when you were all quiet, and I'm certainly not impressed now.

With all due respect, I will not be voting for any of you. I didn't vote for your predecessors, and I won't start voting now. If you're not happy about that, sue me. If you're not happy about what I wrote, sue me twice. And although it's impossible since you're not handling them, I hope you choke on your ballots tomorrow.

Ramblings

Okay so I've been neglecting my blog for far too long now. I apologise if anyone has been checking on me and found zip. I've been busy (and also distracted) with other things.

Truth is, I've lost my flair for writing. Sad isn't it? I started out back in 2007 with a lot to say and a lot of smart ass comments to put in my blog about every day life - for my own thoughts and for your entertainment. But I've been away too long. Too occupied with work, assignments and all the usual bullshit that comes with university life. I've always had ideas to pen down, but the moment I sit in front of my laptop, work comes screaming in my face demanding that it be done. So do it I did, and gone went the brilliant idea.


But as an entree, I'm just gonna ramble on about anything that comes to mind. If you should so wish to stop reading now, please feel free to do so as I don't mind and I wouldn't know either.

Anyway, I've recently started declaring myself a freelance editor and translator. I'm not doing it for fun or to elicit 'oohs' and 'aahs' from passersby. It's because I am in fact, a freelance editor and translator. Back in 2009 (I forgot when exactly), I agreed to join a group of translator at USM's Centre for Language and Translation in translating a popular read titled 'Blue Ocean Strategy'. It was a pain in the ass, yeah, but I actually enjoyed the work. Most of the workload was dumped on me and the pay wasn't worth jacksquat (and I only received it this year - 2011!), but the experience was unbelievable.

I mean, think about it: how would you feel if an important project's success depended on you? You'd feel awesome, dude! Important! That was exactly how I feel. And what really kept me going was the positive feedback I'd get from my supervisor. She'd keep telling me my translation was good and only a minimum amount of editing was need. And to top it off, my supervisor's assistant kept the praises coming in too. I felt good, man! I was APPRECIATED!

But then the work got stalled mid-way due to an uproar that arose because there was already a translated version of the book in the market. I was surprised and pissed that the university actually pestered us to complete the translation at an impossible rate when there was already a translated version by some unknown company out there. And I wasn't the only one who felt that way. What the hell dude?? Is it fun to watc someone work hard just to throw all that hardwork down the drain? I still fume when I think about it.

After that brief break, the university decided that the translation must be finished and so we slaved on. I was less enthusiastic about it, but I still gave it a hundred percent. We got it all done, but until today there was no news about it ever going to the printing machine. It wasn't just that there was already a translated version out there, it was als because the dumbass clients think they know a translator's work better than the translator does. There was an argument about terms and specific phrases but I wasn't there, so I can't comment in detail. I just know that if you're gonna hire a translator, let her do her job godammit! Otherwise, translate it yourself if you're so smart!

After that bad experience, I was approached by one of my lecturers to do a set of translation and editing work for a fixed price. I was really starting to itch from not having anything to do after being used to having a deadline, so I accepted. Shortly after, another lecturer approached me for another kind of work and I accepted to. So there I was, happily slaving away in front of the laptop, not realising that I was actually becoming a grave digger - of my own grave.

It's been a year since I started working for my lecturers and looking back, I realise that it's taken a lot of my free time. I haven't given enough attention to my friends, family and boyfriend and I feel bad about it sometimes. But thankfully, they were always a cheery bunch and never really minded that I was always busy. What more can a girl ask for eh?

There were times when I felt like throwing in the towel. The pressure got a bit out of hand sometimes, and headaches were my best friends for a time. But once in a while, I stop and ponder what it would be like if I hadn't accpeted that first translating job and I know that even if I could go back in time and change things (and there are A LOT of things I would like to change), I still would've kept the job.

Working, though it can be a real pain in the ass, is not without its perks. First of all, you're less dependent on FAMA for funding. Secondly, there are a zillion things you'll discover once you start working. For me, it was what a scary perfectionist I am (I'd look over my work over and over looking for mistakes and get so sick of it but can't stop myself from doing it). I also discovered how much pressure I can take, how efficiently I can work under that pressure, and how fast I can work under that pressure within a fixed deadline. It's all about self discovery, really, and how much potential I have.

So my final words to all you readers is get your ass off the chair and start looking for a part-time job (if you haven't got one already).

HAPPY JOB-HUNTING! :D